THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

For the sake of ethics, in case some of you would prefer to stop reading my colun within the first couple lines as you usually do, let me make one thing crystal clear. This 2008 NFL Draft Recap will not be a review of all 32 teams and picks. That is what espn.com, nfl.com, and other such websites are for. This is a recap of my draft experience from a fan’s perspective.

As an NFL junkie, I have been to one Super Bowl (the most recent one in Phoenix, a thriller for the ages), the Hall of Fame Game in Canton Ohio, and the Pro Bowl in Hawaii in 2006 and 2007 (had to skip this one since the Super Bowl was expensive). I went to the NFL Draft in 2006. While I had a fabulous time, I really do not know anything about college football. The NFL is my passion. I read the USA Today Draft reports and try to learn. The only reason I went back in 2007 was because the Oakland Raiders had the top pick. I went again this year because the Raiders had the # 4 pick.

So why would a guy who does not know college football go to the Draft? Because there are plenty of NFL stars there, and I like meeting them. Plus, many of them autograph my football.

As crazy as this sounds, I root for the players that autograph stuff to have good careers. Some players choose to be nice about it, others forget that we fans are what pay their salaries.

Jim Cramer of “Mad Money” was there, and he graciously signed my football. What was funny was that he was sitting in the front row, and was asked to give up his seat so that the VIPs could sit down. Perhaps he got an even better seat, but it looked like he was simply asked to get up. I told him that I liked his prior show with Larry Kudlow, although in all honesty that was because of Kudlow. However, I was sincere when I told him I enjoyed his appearances on Celebrity Apprentice.

Various analysts from ESPN and the NFL Network were also happy to oblige regarding autographs. Gil Brandt, John Clayton, Mike Mayock, and Mike Tirico were friendly, as was former Eagles quarterback Ron Jaworski and former 49ers guard Randy Cross, both current analysts.

Current announcer and former Lions and 49ers coach Steve Mariucci was nice as well. I told him that after one game, I developed a high respect for him as a person. The Lions trailed the Vikings 28-21, when they scored a touchdown with seconds left. Then the long snapper misfired and the extra point never got kicked, as the Lions lost 28-27. Many coaches would have reamed a guy for blowing a game like that, but Mariucci was consoling the guy on the sideline, and he went to bat for him afterwards. I let Coach Mariucci know I found that classy, and he thanked me for my comments.

Jimmy Giles is working with the Buccaneers, and we both found it amusing that the Bcs drafted a guy named Dexter Jackson. In the Superbowl where the Bucs throttled the Raiders after the 2002 season, te MVP of the game was Dexter Jackson. So now they have another one. I told Mr. Giles that the Raiders could use some help on the offensive line, but he laughed and said he was done.

Legendary Raider Willie Brown autographed my ball. He was nice, and was surprised when I told him that I had met him previously, and felt that I owed him an apology. When he asked why, I told him that I met him in a club in Hawaii after the Pro Bowl, and asked him to autograph my ball while he was relaxing in the club. I let him know that I learned from that experience, and that it is one thing to ask for autographs at the Draft, but not when a guy is trying to relax during his private time. He was appreciative, and let me know that he hoped others would understand that as well.

Usually the only time to try and get autographs with announcers is when they take bathroom breaks. However, given that they go hours without breaks, I ask them if they will autograph my ball on the way back from their break, so it is less disruptive. Former 49 quarterback Steve Young and uber-announcer Chris Berman took their break simultaneously. They both promised to come back, and they did, but given how many people want autographs, it was not possible to get them both. The guy next to me went for Steve Young, which is fine because the one guy I really feel sheepish around is Chris Berman.

I have met Berman a few times, and had my picture taken with him at the Pro Bowl when he liked my sign paying homage to NFL Primetime. This time I just told him something heartfelt. I stated to him that in the days after 9/11, his showing of the Giants-Chiefs highlights were very meaningful and important to me. He seemed extremel grateful, and asked me what my name was. I told him, and again thanked him for those highlights during a low moment in history.

One man who is very genuine is NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. He autographed my ball last year, and was very good with the fans. Unlike his predecessor Paul Tagliabue, who moved quickly, Mr. Goodell, only starting his second year on the job, interacts very well with the fans. I told him last year that I love football, and was concerned the game was being tarnished by bad off field behavior. I told him I was glad he was cracking down, no matter how big the star. He said that he loves the game as well, which is why he is doing so. This year he autographed my ball again, and I told him that I admired the fact that a year earlier he spent 10 minutes with a fan in a wheelchair. I told him it was very classy, especially since the cameras were off. He told me that he much prefers it when the cameras are off. He is simply a nice guy, and a fabulous leader of the sport as well.

As for the new players, most of them are ordered not to give autographs. The worry is people will sell the autographs, which ruins it for true fans like me.

This year almost all of the top players wanted to sign stuff, and their handlers refused to allow it. Many of the players defied their handlers quickly when they were not looking, which meant only a couple people got autographs. One player deliberately signed stuff for the fans of the team that drafted him, openly ignoring the handlers.

Every year there is one or two star players that sign everything. Last year it was running back Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings. His relatives made it clear that he was a nice boy, and that people were to let them know if he did not sign stuff. He signed everything in sight, and seemed happy to do it.

This year, Vernon Gholston of the New York Jets, the 6th pick, signed a ton of stuff. His father was with him, and made sure he did. I thanked his father, and told him that he was a true gentleman.

Two people that do not autograph stuff are Deion Sanders and Marshall Faulk. Faulk has walked by me several times, and deliberately looks the other way. He does this with all the fans. Thankfully most of the players do not fall in this category.

As for the fans, most of the peoplein the crowd were fans of the Jets and Giants. The Patriots and Cowboys were booed the loudest, and even the 1-15 Dolphins were booed. One fan had a sign that read “The Jets Draft Blunders End Today.” The word “blunders” was in bold.

I could have sworn the Lions fans were yelling “Liar Felon,” but they were actually yelling “Fire Millen,” a reference to beleagured team President Matt Millen.

The Raiders had so many needs to fill, and running back was not one of them. Yet Al Davis loves flashy picks. He went with running back Darren McFadden. I met McFadden’s cousin, and even she could not get him to autograph someething although it was clear he wanted to do it. She gave me her contact information, and said she will try and let me know the details about minicamp. I wanted the Raiders to draft Chris Long, because is father Howie Long is a Raider legend. I would have been happy had we traded down fr additional picks as well, since Oakland has no second or third round picks. In all fairness, giving up the second round pick for Falcons cornerback Deangelo Hall is an excellent move. As for McFadden, this was clearly a case of taking a potential superstar over a need pick, which is fine. Between him and Jamarcus Russell, the building blocks are there.

Another Raider I met was Jerry Davis, the brother of the owner of the Raiders, Al Davis. Al Davis does not go to the draft for health reasons. He uses a walker to get around. Jerry Davis told me that he (Jerry) does not sign stuff because he never played for the team, so he thinks it’s a waste. However, when I told him I was a Jewish guy from Brooklyn and a member of the Raider Nation, he asked for my business card. He told me to write my home address on the card so that he could have his brother send me something. I am not holding out much hope on that one, especially since he is probably beyond busy. I did tell him that Al Davis is one of my heroes, and that I wished good health for him.

The second day of the NFL Draft is Sunday, but I have never attended the second day, and have no reason to this year. After the first round, I get bored. Besides, all the autographs are done, and my ball is full.

It was an enjoyable experience, and the 2008 season starts Thursday, September 4th, with the Oakland Raiders hosting the Denver Broncos on Monday Night Football on September 8th.

I am so ready for some football.

eric

Before getting to the best that life as we know it has to offer, here are some critical events I learned about while watching the news last night.

In ice cream news, one ice cream man has been driving his truck for 60 years, and has never hit or injured a child. Another female ice cream woman is his daughter, and she is continuing the family legacy. She also bring presents for the local children on Christmas.

The Suny Purchase Panthers defeated the St. Josephs Bears 18-3 in college baseball.

Poetry in the Park this week will feature Walt Whitman poems.

Bette Midler helped locals plant trees for Arbor Day. The Blue Man Group showed up, which reminded me that mixing blue with green brings turquoise.

It is expected to be 62 degrees with some showers in Bedford Stuyvesant, known as Bed Sty Do Or Die. The low is expected to be 53 degrees. Whether or not these April showers will bring May flowers remains to be seen until next week.

Port workers in Red Hook reached an agreement with the Port Authority.

President Bush has authorized a 6 month tariff on socks from Honduras. I now know one product Honduras exports.

Yes folks, the Tygrrrr Express is getting his news this weekend from News 12 Brooklyn. I love my grandmother dearly, but I wish she had invested 20 years ago in cable. Her home actually is more modern than a decade ago. She replaced the rotary phones with touchtone, easing the burden on my dialing finger. She now has a remote control, removing her as the only woman I knew with a television that still had knobs. She does not have Fox News, or even CNN, but I am glad she is around. Due to time constraints, I will not do a recap of the most recent episode of “Deal Or No Deal” today.

I am also jealous that she can wake up from a sound sleep in a recliner chair, make her way to the bathroom, use the bathroom, wash her hands, and make it into bed, in less time than it takes me on some weekend mornings. It is also humbling to know that I can watch her carefully and warn her not to bump into anything, yet I cannot remind myself to do the same thing. I worry she will be careful when I am not in the apartment, but she worries about me leaving the safe apartment into the dangerous world of Manhattan.

Grandma is guarding the home front today as I prepare to go into battle. Yes, the 2008 NFL Draft is upon us, and I am attending for the third straight year. I had planned to only go once, but last year the Raiders had the top pick, and this year they pick fourth. Plus, I plan to get plenty of autographs for my football that I bought at the most recent Superbowl in Phoenix.

The Miami Dolphins picked offensive tackle Jake Long with the first pick, and he is now under contract. Therefore, the St. Louis Rams are now on the clock, followed by the Atlanta Falcons and the Oakland Raiders.

I will not be live blogging the event because I have an anti-cursing policy on my blog, and I turn into a salty mouthed individual when I do not like the decisions made on draft day. I hope the cameras bleep me out in case my attempt at self censorship fails as expected.

I will not be analyzing every pick from top to bottom. Mel Kiper, Chris Berman, and friends will have two days to do that better than I possibly could. My plan is to cover things from the fan’s point of view. I will try and cover how they react to the picks, and how the various people involved with the draft conduct themselves.

Life is meant to be lived, and whatever is going on in the real world will have to wait until this weekend is over. I usually only go to the first day of the draft. After the first few picks, I am focused on other aspects of the draft, given my lack of knowledge about college football.

By the time the draft starts, I will have hopefully memorized my USA Today draft preparer.

Now if only the Oakland Raiders, for the first time since 2002, would spend as much time preparing their NFL season as I do mine.

The opening kickoff is about 4 1/2 months away.

Are you ready for the NFL Draft!!!!!!!!!

Let’s get it on!!!!!!!

eric

The Tygrrrr Express is offically on sensory overload.

So many things occurred on Tuesday, April 23rd, that it would be impossible to cover them all effectively. Therefore, rather than focus on only one topic, I shall make an effort to cover everything badly.

The Tygrrrr Express began yesterday in Chicago with the Chicago Cannonball. Last night I arrived in Atlanta, and tomorrow night I will be in New York. My office is on Wall Street, my grandmother lives in Brooklyn by Coney Island, and by sheer luck the Chicago Cannonball will be in New Jersey, allowing for another enjoyable night.

As for yesterday, sports and politics were going wilder than a Tygrrrr on Spring Break in South Beach in the pre-girlfriend era.

I kept thinking that Tuesday was Wednesday, so for those who want to see the last episode of “Law and Order” featuring Jesse Martin, you did not miss it. It is tonight. He played detective Ed Green for 10 years, and tonight is his swan song. Tuesdays is “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.” It was either a rerun or a new episode. I missed it. Perhaps it was not shown at all due to the election coverage.

For fans of “South Park,” I thought I missed that as well. This Tuesday vs Wednesday thing is complicated when in a different city every night. The episode is tonight, and unlike my home, which has multiple televisions and tivo, my grandmother’s place does not get cable. There are 5 channels, some that are snow. Hopefully NBC is one of them.

My grandmother turns 100 on May 17th, so getting her cable seems pointless. As long as Willard Scott calls and the White House sends a letter, all is swell on the grandma front.

In sports, my head was spinning. Of course that could have been the ginormous steak with potatoes at the hotel,with dijon mustrd on the salad that had my mouth on fire. Or it could have been the Shirley Temple with extra grenadine that might have me loopy on a sugar high into May.

In hockey, The San Jose Sharks and Calgary Flames were tied 1-1 in the second period. Go to www.nhl.com for more information.

In basketball, the Phoenix Suns led the San Antonio Spurs 37-26 in the second quarter. Tony Parker, who plays for the Spurs, is still married to Eva Longoria from Desperate Housewives. The Suns have a gorilla as a mascot.

Is this great sports coverage or what? (Rhetorical question)

In the National Football League, I will be attending the Draft on Saturday at Radio City Music Hall. The Miami Dolphins have already agreed to a contract with offensive tackle Jake Long.

Now for a break in the action before it slips my mind. David Letterman’s monologue is hilarious tonight.

“Eliot Spitzer has the Earth Day spirit. He picked up some rodside trash. I believe her name was Ronda.”

“In the spirit of Earth day, I decided to do this show without any energy.”

“Hillary is trying to convince people she is pro-gun, and a hunter. She looks fabulous in her beaver pelt pantsuit.”

“Hillary claims she is pro-gun. No way. If she was Pro-gun, Bill would be dead.”

Ok, back to sports. In hockey, San Jose now leads Calgary 5-2 late in the second period.

Now back to football. No wait, basketball. Very early in the fourth quarter, the Spurs lead the Suns 81-72. Shaquille Oneal plays for the Suns. The Gorilla mascot does not play in the game, but he can slam dunk off of a trampoline, which gives me ideas on how to romance the Chicago Cannonball later in the year.

Now back to football. Jake Long is a Bill Parcells type of player. He is a tough, physical, wedge of beef. Parcells does not like flashy players. he likes tough guys. Jake Long is not a sexy pick. He is actually considered a very safe pick. Jake is not related to defensive star Chris Long, who is the son of Raiders great Howie Long, an ultimate tough guy. Nevertheless, with Jake long off of the board, the St. Louis Rams are now on the clock, followed by the Atlanta Falcons and the Oakland Raiders.

In auto racing, Danica Patrick won her very first race. It was an Indy race in Japan, and while this is not Billie Jean King defeating Bobby Riggs, it is still significant. Now if only I can get my hands on the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, in which Ms. Patrick poses. I wonder what she looks like when she grabs the stickshift at 200 miles per hour. I suspect she looks hot and sweaty, although that could be the nature of auto racing.

Bernard Hopkins lost to somebody in a boxing match the other night.

Ok, enough sports. Now for the main event.

In politics, the six week version of the Pennsylvania Polka has come to an end by the grace of God, or if you are an Pennsylvania Dutch Amish person or a Pennsylvania Quaker, the grace of either God or Wilford Brimley.

Hillary Clinton defeated Barack Obama 55-45%. A win is a win is a win. Yet despite having a coalition that basically consists of unattractive old hags foaming at the mouth over Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott’s love child, she outlasted Obama’s Coalition of elitist guilty white liberals sipping lattes and pretending to care for the other members of his coalition, aka black people.

I did listen to both speeches, and there were several things I observed during my sugar induced food coma.

Hillary spoke first, which seemed odd given that she won. Apparently she did not get the memo from former NFL Art Modell that “losers say very little, winners should say even less.”

This woman cannot be gracious. It is not her nature. Her speech was basically a “screw you” to everybody who counted her out. She is here, and we must all deal with it. She had nothing nice to say about Obama, or anybody else that was not a supporter.

Obama spoke last, and he was much more gracious. He did not offer a concession speech. He simply vowed to press on.

Both campaign had supporters that shouted out, “I love you.” Obama answered “I love you back.” Hillary said nothing.

Both campaigns had supporters that booed when the other candidate was mentioned. Obama told his supporters not to boo Hillary. Naturally, Hillary did not show the same class.

These may seem like trivial issues, but they reflect the character of the two people, one who is likable and friendly, and the other that is just plain nasty.

Obama will claim that this is no big deal. Hillary will then say it was a thrashing. Apparently she forgot 1992, when Paul Tsongas defeated Bill Clinton 34-26%, and yet Bubba claimed victory.

So nothing has changed. Hillary is still up against the wall (image deleted). In two weeks Indiana and North Carolina go to the polls. Obama should throttle Hillary in North Carolina, and Indiana is friendlier turf for Hillary, albeit less so. Obama is still in the driver’s seat. From a musical standpoint, Hillary has Elton John, while Obama has John Cougar Mellencamp, or whatever he calls himself lately. Hillary wins blue collar voters, yet her musical champion is a liberal elitist who as been knighted by the Queen of England. Obama has his supporters from the lear jet left, yet has his musical support from a guy who embodies blue collar America and Chevy trucks. These facts are as amusing as they are irrelevant.

For those who like to watch poker on television, CNN had a pair of kings, John and Larry. For those who wanted to see a pair of Queens, Adam Sandler and Kevin James were hilarious in the movie Chuck and Larry. For those that wanted a couple of jokers, Jimmy Carter made an @ss out of himself again by visiting some Hamas poobah. For those that want to settle for a pair of tens, Bo Derek starred in the movie, and the Chicago Cannonball looks fabulous all the time.

As stated earlier, it is on to Indiana and North Carolina where the debate will be a raging one.

No, not Hillary versus Obama. They are still both a waste of time. I am referring to the real debate that engulfs Indiana and North Carolina.

Indy racing versus Nascar. The Indy 500 in Indianapolis is raced on the same day in May as the Coca Cola 600 in Charlotte.

Hillary will support Indy because Danica Patrick is a fighter for women everywhere, while Obama will announce that he has supported Nascar from the very beginning, and enjoys “chaw” on a regular basis.

Bill Clinton will try and get Danica Patrick’s phone number, since getting his hands on the magazine is insufficient.

Ok, since this was written last night, off to watch CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, ABC, NBC, CBS, ESPN, ESPN2, Versus, TBS, TNT, and the NFL Network until my head explodes. Or I could relax in the hotel pool and jacuzzi.

Heck, there is a tv in my bathroom, which has a jacuzzi tub. Potential electrocution aside, this is a fabulous way to end the night.

The Spurs defeated the Suns 102-96, the Philadelphia Flyers won game 7 over the Washington Capitals on the road 3-2 in overtime, and the San Jose Sharks reaffirmed American supremacy over Canada by defeating the Calgary Flames in game by a 5-3 score. Soccer and baseball are still colossally boring, although less boring than golf.

In an homage to my friend the P*ssed Off Tree Rat, Hillary Clinton is like Rasputin. She cannot be killed off. The last person compared to Rasputin occurred when ESPN uber-announcer Chris Berman gave the honor to former Detroit Lions Head Coach Wayne Fontes. He finally eventually was fired, which means maybe Hilldawg will be as well.

As for today, I have actually been invited to participate on a conference call with Newt Gingrich at 4:20pm EST. Unfortunately, at 4:29pm EST, my plane from Hotlanta takes off for New York. Mr. Speaker, we will have to do it another time. I do not have the time.

Ok, like Whitney Houston, I am waiting to exhale. Deep breaths in and out.

Sensory overload indeed.

eric

The 2008 National Football League Schedule has been released.

http://www.nfl.com/news/story?id=09000d5d807c555e&template=without-video&confirm=true

I expect you all to memorize it. Kickoff is in less than 5 months, and the draft is 11 days away.

eric

Baseball season began several days ago, and I am heartsick to say that there does not seem to be any pending strike on the horizon. 162 games per team will add another year of colossal boredom to my home until September. Lord I hate baseball.

I expressed my disgust last year that these games were being played, and nothing has changed. In fact, even writing this column pains me. I think I will steal from my sentiments last year.

http://blacktygrrrr.wordpress.com/2007/03/15/glaciers-comas-and-baseball/

I had only been blogging for 5 days, but over a year later I still cannot figure out what it will take to cancel this game.

So here are my observations of baseball for 2008.

Joe Torre might be the most boring individual on Earth. Listening to him on Letterman the other night was enough to make me catatonic. He is boring by baseball standards, and that is pretty dull. Nevertheless, I did not like how the Yankees treated him. Therefore, I hope the Dodgers win it all just to spite George Steinbrenner.

The temper tantrums are not what they used to be. Dallas Green, Billy Martin and Ear Weaver were awesome. Hal McRae’s tirade was a good one. Today’s players are supposedly bulked up on steroids, and yet they can’t even get a good rage going in the form of a home plate temper tantrum.

The Atlanta Brave’s should stop calling themselves America’s Team until Ted Turner fires himself. Ted is in love with the United Nations, despite the fact that not one nation helped the team win any championships during their 15 year reign, of which 14 of those years ended in disappointment.

The Yankees remain the evil empire of baseball, but the Red Sox winning twice in the last few years does not make them worth watching. It’s not their fault. The sport itself is just dreadful.

Spitting is expected to increase by about 20%, scratching by about 30%, and “chaw” usage will be the second most abused product behind steroids.

The Star Spangled Banner will on many occasions become the Star Mangled Banner. This will be due to drunken off key celebrities, and words that are not always sensible. The Toronto Blue Jays will insist on playing whatever the heck their national anthem is, despite the fact that most of the Toronto players are probably Dominican.

There will be news about the democrats running for President on some nights, rendering baseball not the most useless television spectacle on those evenings.

Sure, Bill Murray will do a funny routine about why the Chicago Cubs will finally win it all, but even that will wear thin when the 100th anniversary of their 1908 triumph goes by with a shocking result of waiting until next year.

In 2009, a new President will throw out the first pitch. McCain has one bad arm, yet I am sure he will get it done. Besides, who wants the democrat? They probably throw like a girl, unless they elect Hillary. Then again, baseball is not bowling.

So short of some fabulous bench clearing brawls in the same game as head first slides into discombobulated catchers, very little is expected this year. Somebody will ground into a 4-6-3 double play, which is completely different from a 6-4-3 double play, which for some reason matters to someone somewhere.

Unlike other sports where spectators running onto the field get decked by players, the chances of a naked Morgana getting belted by a juiced up outfielder is remote.

5 months to go until football season starts. Blah.

eric

Before analyzing the demagoguic race for President, I would like to issue an apology to my fellow Americans.

Regarding my one experience in Detroit, I misspoke when I mentioned that I had to duck and cover when entering the war zone. As for the fact that I faced enemy fire en route to Wisconsin, and that the experience was “seared into my memory,” like John Kerry’s trip to Cambodia, I got some of the facts wrong.

As for the fact that I was in danger the entire time, I can only say that I am human, and once I hire press people, they will spend the bulk of their time apologizing for me and explaining my many mistakes.

The truth is that I was scared for my life in Detroit, but at no time did I leave the airport. Detroit is one of the hubs for Northworst Airlines, and the airport is monstrously large. My running at top speed was not to avoid enemy fire, but to avoid missing my flight because Northwest was too cavalier when scheduling the connecting flights. The hub and spoke system is an affront to civilized people everywhere.

I did not exactly get burned alive by an Arab terrorist on my trip. I burnt my tongue eating a hot dog at one of the airport food stations. While I maintain that the person selling me the food had a Middle Eastern complexion, he seemed less interested in the Arab-Israeli conflict or Jihad than in helping me find the mustard (it was near the straws). It was not poison mustard gas, just good old fashioned dijon mustard. As for the cold weather, near death, sub zero freezing conditions inside the airport, I can only say that the air that they circulate on airplanes is bad, and Northworst needs to provide pillows and blankets.

As for mentioning that the Detroit Lions are terrible, I have never seen them play live, but I do have 50 years of statistics to back up that claim. I am sticking to my guns on that one.

So before I regale everybody one day with my tales of visiting Bosnia, just remember that nobody is perfect. If I ever say anything that turns out to be a mistake, just blame Hillary Clinton. I learned from her.

http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/dan_kennedy/2008/03/clinton_under_fire.html

Now that my soul is cleansed, I want to address the notion that the democrats want the “Dream Team” to be elected.

While the democrats would consider their dream team to be Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, perhaps the democrats need a better dream team if they are going to take on John McCain.

So who is the real Dream Team? Who can inspire the American people?

Well one Dream Team that got the job done was the 1992 Men’s Olympic basketball team. They did win the gold medal. In the spirit of balancing ebony and ivory in ways that would make Obama and Hillary proud, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson put their differences aside for America. Larry was a Boston Celtic. Magic was a Los Angeles Laker. They had this nation torn apart among East and West Coast lines, but when they finally came together, the United States team was truly United.

For those who believe in healing America, forget Obama. Nobody heals like a doctor, and this Dream Team had Dr. Julius Erving, also known as Dr. J. The man not only inspired me and other young children with his anti-drug rap song, “one dumb move (can blow your groove),” but he also had an amazing reverse tomahawk jam dunk.

One problem with this Dream Team for the democrats is that the Most Valuable Player of the team was Charles Barkley. Yes, Sir Charles is black, but minority voters in the democratic party would be disappointed when they find out he is a staunch republican.

The team did have Michael Jordan, but he has made it clear that the only democrat he will endorse is Bill Bradley. Basketball bonds among champions are tough to break.

The Portland Trailblazers actually had a slogan for their team one year that read, “One team, one dream.” That team was an underachieving nightmare, so they will not be considered.

Since most athletes are republicans, perhaps a different dream team is in order. Who could appeal to the many black voters that have flocked to Obama? The answer would be the legal Dream Team that defended O.J. Simpson.

Johnny Cochran, Robert Shapiro, and F. Lee Bailey have to be given some consideration.

Johnny Cochran is dead, and we romanticize dead people as infallible. It is called JFK syndrome. Also, Johnny Cochran had better rhymes and slogans than Jesse Jackson. Had he been the defense attorney for Bill Clinton, he would have insisted that the dress did not fit, so we must acquit.

F. Lee Bailey might be problematic because democrats do not like people with first initials. They have been harsh in the past regarding G. Gordon Liddy, I. Lewis Libby, and J. Danforth Quayle. Rumor has it they are also violently against E Pluribus Unum.

Also, if the split between Hillary and Obama voters is wide now, the gap would only increase with the promotion of anyone defending O.J. Simpson. Apparently there is very little overlap between those who are against domestic violence, and those who play football, which is a form of domestic violence (except for the few preseason games played overseas).

Robert Shapiro is the Hillary character. He was the lead attorney, and then out of nowhere a charismatic man with a higher melanin content and better vocabulary stole his thunder.

Yet while women voters might be upset, O.J. is that rare man that can unite black and white men. After all, he did play football, and was quite good.

Sadly enough, as previously stated, democrats are just not known for sports. This means that there is only one group of individuals that would be worthy of their votes.

I have said that many liberals are nuts. Therefore, the Dream Team should be the escaped mental patients from the movie containing Michael Keaton and Christopher Lloyd. The scene where the four mental patients jump in the air to high five each other…and miss…is a classic.

Democrats desperately need the religious vote, and Christopher Lloyd did play Reverend Jim on Taxi. Also, his character did plenty of drugs, which will unite the hippie vote. Mr. Lloyd also starred in the movie trilogy “Back to the Future,” which according to Al Gore, was inspired by Bill Clinton’s bridge to the 21st century, even though the movie came out over a decade earlier. Hillary’s comments on the matter were redacted.

Also, Michael J. Fox was in those movies, and he has Parkinson’s disease. Voting for Christopher Lloyd is a vote for stem cell research. The only scandal is that Michael J. Fox used to go by the alias of Alex P. Keaton, who was also a staunch republican and supporter of Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan.

Michael Keaton would do well with the youth vote. While his temper in the movie was more volatile than Howard Dean, he inspired the youth everywhere when he breathed in the night air and announced, “It’s great to be young and insane.”

Also, with health care being such an important issue, this movie had an actual doctor. It was not Dr. J, but some actor I cannot recall who played the capable and competent Dr. Weitzman. Although one of the patients had a messianic complex that involved him stripping naked in churches, the democratic party would most likely be less scared of his sermons than those of the current pastors in the news.

Therefore, the Dream Team for the democrats should be Michael Keaton and Christopher Lloyd. Keaton will the hotheaded President, with Lloyd as the quiet Vice President.

As for those who wonder how I am able to come up with such brilliant political analysis, all I can say is this…

I am glad to be old enough to vote for McCain…

Yet it’s great to be young and insane.

eric

I

Today is blasphemy Wednesday.

Before getting to the disaster that was Taco Tuesday, it is inspiring to think about perfection.

Like many, I constantly strive and fail to reach perfection. As a kid, even though I hated school, I was always afraid that the one day I missed, good things would happen. I never got the perfect attendance award. Several years I missed one day. My parents knew I was not one to play hooky, and they insisted on keeping me home when I was ill. I just couldn’t get through without missing that one day.

I have been with my current firm for over three years. For three years I did not miss a day of work. I took my vacations, but did not call in sick. I remember James Caan in “The Program” asking one of his football players, “Are you injured or are you hurt?” When the player wanted to know the difference, the coach replied, “If you’re injured, you can’t play. If you’re hurt, you can play.”

I have been hurt, but not injured. So I went to work. I would get bored out of my mind at home, given how much I hate daytime television. So I go to the office and tough it out. Yet a few weeks ago I was down for the count. It was a Thursday, and I knew that if I could hit the showers by 8:30am, like I always do, being in at 9am was easy. At 8:22am I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, unable to stand up. The shower was right there. 11 minutes later, at 8:33am, I gave it one final push. I could not get up. At 8:35am I called the boss. He was surprised, but I told him, “I’m injured.”

By the early afternoon I felt well enough to come into work. I could work a half day, and make up the hours, and keep my streak intact. Yet logic took over, and I decided to stay home. The next day I started a new streak.

Three hours seems impressive, but 17 years without missing work is more impressive. This is why the flags are flying half staff today at Green Bay, Wisconsin. Quarterback legend Brett Favre announced his retirement after 17 NFL seasons. The iron man of professional football did not miss a single game. From the third week of the 1992 season to the crushing overtime loss in this year’s NFC Title Game, Brett Favre had 100% perfect attendance. He was the Cal Ripken of football.

Many are questioning why he would retire when his team was so close to the Superbowl last year. Some are speculating that the inability to land Randy Moss played a role. Yet his reasons are his own.

Steve at www.norunnyeggs.com is most likely in mourning today. Pray for him.

Perfect attendance is impressive, but the one thing to keep in mind is that showing up is not enough. Had I gone to work the day I was sick I would have slept at my desk, contributing not an ounce of productivity. I would have been cheating myself. Perfection should not have an asterisk next to it.

Brett Favre battled a painkiller addiction early in his career, but he never cheated the game of football. He went all out, all the time. He won a Superbowl, and was one drive away from possible back to back titles. His fourth quarter comebacks are numerous. He has shattered the record books, leaving as the all time passing leader in several categories. His record of accomplishments is as lengthy as his 17 years, and he is a lock to be a first ballot Hall of Famer.

I think about this because it seems that in politics, unlike sports, merit does not seem to matter. People make claims, and those claims are just accepted. People do not have to prove themselves. They do not have to take responsibility for their own actions. Congress works Tuesday through Thursday, and praises itself for hard work. Resume padding is the norm.

This is how Hillary Clinton, a woman with no notable accomplishments, can brag about her 35 years of experience. She is now 60 years old. That means that when she graduated law school at age 25, her experience began. Does anybody think that those years contributed anything to her readiness today?

She cites several examples of her experience. One is how she fought for universal health care. So what? She lost. She failed. This does not make her a bad person, but we do not reward people in life for trying. We reward people for results. Hillary Clinton attempted to do something, and she failed. This is not an accomplishment.

She also discusses her role in bringing peace to Northern Ireland. She had nothing to do with the Irish peace process. It was George Mitchell, a seasoned Senatorial veteran with years of experience involving negotiations, who got the job done.

Hillary speaks of her standing up to the Chinese with regards to the rights of women. Again, so what? This did not lead to a policy change of any kind. She made  aspeech. She has continually attacked Barack Obama for being more about speeches than solutions, but all she did was make a speech. It was ignored. To put it blountly, she is not a good speaker. She does not inspire.

Her visiting 80 countries with Chelsea means absolutely nothing. I have visited foreign nations and managed not to get into any fistfights. This does not mean I am a diplomat. I am a tourist. Hillary Clinton was a famous tourist. She was a celebrity who was married to somebody that was a President.

One of the reasons she was sent to all of these places was to get her out of the United States, especially during election years. The more people hear her, the less they like her.

Hillary Clinton is simply a bland person who married a gifted person. She confuses his gifts with hers. She claims experience that she does not possess. She takes credit for accomplishes that have nothing to do with her. She takes blame for nothing. Worse still, she is here to stay. She will not voluntarily go away…ever.

I have often said that it is better to have people ask “why are you leaving,” than “when are you leaving?” Very few people get to walk away on their own terms. They hang around until they are shells of their former selves. Former Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway won back to back Superbowls, and then retired. He wanted to play, but admitted that his body, “just couldn’t do it any more.” Other athletes like boxer Evander Holyfield retire several times.

I still think that Brett Favre will change his mind and come back. After everything he has done, he is entitled to do so.

Hillary Clinton will leave when she is dragged kicking and screaming from the building. Worse still, despite much of the American electorate wanting her to leave, she will not put the good of anybody else above what is best for her. People need her because she says so.

Yes, she won Ohio. She also won Texas, at least the primary aspect of it. Yes, these are legitimate victories, but should that erase the fact that she lost 11 contest in a row? Barack Obama was racking up wins, while she was offering excuses. She is ready to tear the democratic party apart to get the nomination. This is not what team players do. Ask any backup quarterback how to behave, and they tell you that they practice hard, and patiently wait their turn, and accept the decision of the coaches. They put the team above themselves.

Hillary Clinton is a fire breathing dragon, Lady MacBeth minus the warmth. Like most dragons, breathing fire to destroy the Earth is another day at the office for her.

The Iron Man has taught us what life is about, and how to live. The Fire Lady has taught us how not to live. He walked away, possibly before his time, on his own terms. She will stay until the very last vestige of power has been ripped from her body and soul.

Short of repealing the 19th amendment, I have no answers.

http://blacktygrrrr.wordpress.com/2008/01/10/repeal-the-19th-amendment/

Charlotte Allen explains in the Washington Post that perhaps women are just not very bright.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/29/AR2008022903397.html

I am too disgusted to add anything else regarding Texmex Tuesday. For the Milli Vanillionth time, Hillary and Bill Clinton have morphed into Bill Murray from “What about Bob.” “Gone? They’re never gone!”

Before we roll out the barrel and get to the Pennsylvania Polka, the Wyoming caucus and Mississippi primary will hopefully finally help remove this cancerous lesion from the Presidential race.

Yet this woman, married to Lazarus, will not be counted out. I remain frightful. She can still win.

Yet no matter what, the republic will survive. So will I.

Besides, Las Vegas was fun, the Chicago hotel tower suite is gorgeous, and so is the “Chicago Cannonball.”

I am not allowed to elaborate at this time. Well I am, but I might get throttled.

Off to listen to rock group “The Cult” sing “Fire Woman.”

“Fire…smoke she is a rising…smoke on the horizon baby…Fire Woman.”

Perhaps the only thing that should be retired is today’s column.

There. Done.

eric         

For those in 49 other states, there is a state called Wisconsin. Today is their primary. Wisconsin is known for three things. 1) Cheese. 2) The Green Bay Packers. 3) The Onion.

Although it relocated to New York City, which will most likely kill some of its charm, “The Onion” will always be the pride of some warped lunatics from Madison, Wisconsin. The Onion is the best satire newspaper in the country.

Therefore, since the democrats running for President are completely fake, it would be best to have them covered by fake news.

www.theonion.com

I could cover real news stories, but at this point in the world, there are none.

President George Herbert Walker Bush endorsed John McCain. This would help except that former President Bush lost his reelection because he was detested by conservatives.

There is only one endorsement that matters, and somebody needs to bother Nancy Reagan in the hospital and get her opinion. She has some nerve trying to recuperate from a potentially life threatening fall by thinking about herself. Ronald Reagan would have made jokes. Nevertheless, I hope Mrs. Reagan is recovering nicely.

Did Barack Obama plagiarize Deval Patrick? Of course he did. Should it matter? Perhaps? Does it matter? No. He is black. He is articulate. The media has decided that his trips to the toilet don’t stink. Therefore, there is no story here. Besides, Oprah supports him, and lord knows her trips to the toilet are pure pearls, flushed down a golden toilet in a lavatory made of platinum. Personally, I don’t think she needs to go to the toilet. Only commoners do that.

As for the Clintons, they are just frustrated that they finally are seen as stinking to high heaven. They did back in 1992, but they were not called on it. So if anything, Obama is guilty of plagiarizing the role of likable candidate. There is no copyright on likability, which makes it even more bizarre that Hillary would not observe likable people and copy them. Everything else about her is copied, processed, focus group analyzed, and poll tested. Every word and every idea is “liberated” from somewhere else. Yet a personality transplant requires having an understanding of what constitutes a likable personality.

As for Obama being able to heal the sick, rescuing a woman who swooned at his rally, Mike Huckabee has a direct line to the almighty, so Obama should stop plagiarizing Huckabee’s healing abilities. I wonder which one of them will heal the Clintons and turn them from angry narcissists who scream and occasionally try to physically assault dissenters, and turn them into decent human beings that have kindness and compassion for those with different last names from them.

My old socialist college professor once said that our papers should be one long gigantic footnote, because, “There is no original thought.” Hillary has taken this to an art form. Writing a story on the “real” and “authentic” Hillary Clinton is impossible because nobody has ever met her. Some compare her to a robot, but if she has a functioning soul, heart and body beneath her carefully crafted media scripted concoction, people have never seen it.

I could report about sports, but the Daytona 500 and the NBA Allstar Game are just ways of trying to ease the pain of the NFL being on hiatus until September. The only sports story that interests me concerns the erotic photos taken by the cheerleaders of the Sacramento Kings. Now those are allstars I would not mind playing a game involving the bouncing of round objects with.

As for the actual politics behind the Wisconsin primary, any story written will be phony. The facts are that Obama has won 8 contests in a row, mainly by landslides. If Hillary wins Wisconsin, she will be the “comeback kid.” She has lost 2/3 of the contests, but somehow she will be declared the candidate with momentum. Obama will most likely win easily in the Hawaii Caucus by a wide margin, but that will be dismissed because he lived there for some time. The real story is that Obama has smacked Hillary around in terms of the popular vote and delegates. Yet she is seen as a fighter because she occasionally wins something.

So since the real story does not matter, we might as well focus on fake news. After all, unlike Hillary and Obama, The Onion at least admits upfront that every word emanating from its rhetorical mouth is fake. The Onion provides laughter. The democrats running for President are merely laughable, and yet in the serious times of today, I am not amused.

So now I present the only media outlet to get the stories right. The Wisconsin Primary is the Onion Primary. Here is the Onion reporting on the “War for the White House.”

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/candidates

In addition, below are profiles of every candidate still in the race, in addition to those who decided the job was beneath the dignity of most people. As Howard Stern has said about being the king of radio, “There is no point getting to the top of the heap if it is a heap of sh*t.” Nevertheless, the candidates and their qualifications are below.

Hillary Clinton:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/hillaryclinton

Experience:
Husband secretly let her run country from 1997-1999

Signature Issue:
Becoming President of the United States

Health Care: “I am the only candidate who can claim experience on the issue of health care: an experience of glaring, humiliating failure dating back more than a decade.”

Iraq War: “I would never have voted for the war had we known it would become unpopular.”

Barack Obama:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/barackobama

Issues:
Pro-hopes, also supports dreams

Favorite Way To Mollify Supporters:
Nodding solemnly while gripping podium

Health Care: Promises to reduce cost of health care by demanding private insurance companies stop liking astronomical profits.

Iraq War: Will have American soldiers tell the Iraqi soldiers that they’re just going out for some smokes, and then sneak back home to America.

John McCain:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/johnmccain

Awards:
Distinguished Flying Cross (Vietnam War); Silver Star (World War II); Bronze Star (Crimean War)

Inspiring Example:
Co-sponsored a campaign finance act with Democrat Russ Feingold, the aim of which is to leave every campaigner as broke as McCain and Feingold

Health Care: Supports universal health care for all current and former POWs.

Iraq War: “The United States should no longer act as the world’s police but instead as the world’s stripper, dressed as the police.”

Mike Huckabee:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/mikehuckabee

Signature Issue:
Retrieving the Ark of the Covenant

Ron Paul:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/ronpaul

Iraq War: Opposes it for some complicated libertarian reason best explained in a rambling, discursive way by your office I.T. guy.

Chris Dodd:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/christopherdodd

Biggest Disadvantage:
Not even wife knows who he is

Joe Biden:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/joebiden

Reason For Running:
in a rut, career-wise

Bill Richardson:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/billrichardson

Forced to Publicly Apologize For:
As a child, his half-American side used to pay his half-Mexican side a substandard wage to clean his room

John Edwards:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/johnedwards

Greatest Strength:
Notable ‘ding’ sound when smiling

Campaign Slogan:
“You know what I like? America.”

Dennis Kucinich:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/denniskucinich

Worst Moment:
Nearly devoured by Wisconsin Congressman James Sensenbrenner on House floor

Mitt Romney:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/mittromney

Iraq War: Would unite warring religious factions by deploying over 100,000 Books of Mormon to the nation’s most fractious regions.

Fred Thompson:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/fredthompson

Campaign Ad Voiceover Ability:
Strong

Most Ambitious Proposal:
Vows to improve U.S. IMDb STARmeter ranking by 19% during first six months of office

Rudy Giuliani:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/rudygiuliani

Favorite Way To Relax:
Long strolls through piles of smoking rubble and twisted metal

Health Care: Supports universal health care for everyone except his bitch ex-wives.

At some point votes will come in from Wisconsin. To determine the winner of the Onion Primary, I will be reading the Onion itself.

Everything else, save this daily column, is ill informed garbage.

With that spirit, I shall go to the “King of the Hill” website to determine the Texas vote, and analyze the National Football League Hall of Fame Game results from Canton in years past to predict what will happen in Ohio.

I shall also consult with Larry the Cable Guy, who stated that “to me, Super Tuesday is when they have 99 cent tacos.”

Tacos have onions. It all does tie together.

eric

I am one week into the NFL Offseason, and I already can’t stand it. As expected, I will be joining a flag football league in March. However, I was not put on this Earth to do things and exert physical activity. I prefer relaxing on my couch and watching others do them. Heck, in college I was even one of the Vice Presidents of the “Lethargy Club.” We even had names that were takeoffs on the “Care Bears.” One friend of mine was “Lethargy Bear.” Another one was “Apathy Bear.” I was known as “F*ck it Bear,” due to my blase attitude, and lust for the ladies.

After a Saturday night that featured some friends getting drunk and singing Karaoke, I figured I could sleep until noon and then report on the Daytona 500. I accomplished the first mission, only to find out that the race had not started yet. That concludes my NASCAR report. In several hours, go to ESPN’s website to see who won.

So to feed my NFL addiction, I will be conducting a radio program with Frank of “Political Vindication Radio.”

www.politicalvindicationradio.com

The program Frank and I will be doing is called “NFL Live 2008.” It will be every Sunday at 8pm PST, 11pm EST. Frank will provide the knowledge, and I will provide…well, something I guess.

Oh, and a late breaking story involving the Daytona 500…at the inception of the race, the pole position was actually in second place. The pace car was in first place. However, like most races, as soon as the checkered flag comes down, the pace car gives up. Nobody likes a quitter. I am now anti-pace car.

Also, in another Daytona 500 human interest story, racer Jimmy Johnson is one of the only people in the history of auto racing whose first and last names are both euphemisms for male genitalia. The only other person in sports with that distinction to my knowledge was the former coach of the Dallas Cowboys, who also is named Jimmy Johnson.

Anyway, it is a beautiful day outside, so I am going to have lunch and then take a nap.

I did catch the end of the Daytona 500, with Ryan Newman stunning Tony Stewart on the last lap to win. Dale Earnhardt Jr. Finished 9th.

Tune in to Blog Talk Radio Sundays at 8pm PST…NFL Radio Live…where football season never ends.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/NFL-Radio-Live

eric

As I prepare to enter the first week of approximately 30 weeks of misery, I have solicited opinions from the entire world to provide me with ideas. I made the mistake of not being specific in that I wanted actual good ideas. So to those who offered terrible suggestions, and you should know who you are, do not expect me to rescue you when you trip and fall into a volcano.

Ok, so football season just ended and I am already getting punchy.

At times like this I refer back to Craig T. Nelson on “Coach.” When his girlfriend pointed out that she went to all his football games but he never went with her to the art gallery, he earnestly replied, “Yeah, but people like football.” Men everywhere should memorize that scene, and force women to watch it.

More than one person suggested that I discuss the baseball steroid hearings on Capitol Hill. The problem with that suggestion is that the only thing more boring than Congress on C-Span is baseball. Combine the two, and insomnia is cured. For the safety of all Americans, it should be illegal to drive a car after watching it. Speaking of illegal, one way we could eliminate all illegal immigrants is by making them drive 18 wheelers in traffic after watching the baseball hearings. I am not sure if the Geneva Convention considers that torture.

Somebody pointed out to me that the republicans seemed to be defending Roger Clemens, while the democrats were attacking him. I did not see the hearings, but this makes sense.

For one thing, Roger Clemens was alleged to have been injected with steroids in his anus. I wonder if Senator Larry Craig was taking notes. Clemens had a wide stance when pitching, and Senator Craig has a wide stance when allegedly trolling for young, hot, male mall @ss.

The other reason this would make sense is that athletes tend to be republicans. Jim Bunning, Jack Kemp, J.C. Watts and others are all right of center. Liberals are usually the angry bitter guys that got beat up by the athletes in Junior High School. They seek vengeance for having been stuffed into their lockers by growing up and raising taxes on their former tormentors.

Anyway, now that football is done, there is always NASCAR. That would be helpful except that I don’t watch NASCAR. I haven’t been able to watch a race since Dale Earnhardt died. I do root for his son, but not enough to watch. I know that I am not a fan of pretty boy Jeff Gordon.

As comedian and blue collar hero Jeff Foxworthy points out, “Jeff Gordon is not a real racer. Jeff Gordon is not a real racer, because Jeff Gordon can enunciate.” Now Dale Earnhardt was as incomprehensible as “Boomhauer” on “King of the Hill.” That was an auto racer.

So with no real sports on television, I would rather people read other blogs rather than wasting their time on mine. There are some funny people out there.

“America Needs Me” is the blog of conservative comedian Stephen Kruiser. I do not recall who introduced me to him, but the guy is warped and funny.

http://stephenkruiser.blogspot.com/

http://www.stephenkruiser.com/

While my blog is not about equal time, a liberal comedian worth checking out is Jackie Clarke. For those wondering why I would bother promoting a leftist, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I want to claw through her underwear with my teeth until she screams either my name or that of Ronald Reagan.

I am just trying to help out a friend, nothing more. As for rumors that I want to give her the ketchup bottle treatment, these rumors have to stop. They are totally inappropriate, and beneath the dignity of a hot piece of liberal tail like her. She has also a deep knowledge of football, but despite my begging her to send me a picture of her wearing only a football helmet, she remains chaste, at least with me.

http://www.jackieclarke.blogspot.com/

Not every comedian has a bottom that I want to play volleyball with. Despite my unhealthy affection for bald guys, I desire them much less than they desire me. Nevertheless, one cueball friend of mine deserves all the fame that comes his way, whether it be plenty or none. For those who are Jews or fans of Burger King and McDonalds, or all of the above, be warned in advance. As for Arabs that prefer falafel, to the best of my limited knowledge he has not offended you yet.

http://www.pointless-drivel.com/

One fellow sent me a nice note with his suggestion.

“Eric:

Thanks for your message. My sympathies. I too find the end of
football season to be the end of my active interest in sports.

Given your extensive acquaintance with the media and entertainment,
how about a commentary on cultural garbage of the week?

Tom”

The problem with this is that me pointing out cultural garbage would be hypocritical, given that my blog gets worse by the day. It hurts that every day other people are linking to my blog as an example of where society went wrong, so I will not sink to their level.

Thanks for nothing Tom!

I will say that while I like political brawling, rarely is it very funny. Yet Bill O’Reilly had on a guest that got off the line of the night, forcing me to rethink an issue. Given how closeminded I am, this is impressive.

Dr. Marc Lamont Hill is a young black professor of urban studies at Temple University. He is a liberal, but for once he made a good point. O’Reilly was suggesting in the wake of the most recent school shooting that professors should be allowed to carry concealed weapons. Now I am staunchly pro Second Amendment, but Dr. Hill asked a valid question. “Would you want Ward Churchill carrying a gun?”

In an ideal world, the professors would not be more psychotic than the student killers, but life is not ideal. I will have to ponder that one.

Another individual recommended to me that does not share my ideology is a fellow that is “Rudely Stamped.”

http://www.rudelystamped.blogspot.com/

Scroll down to his post on illegal immigration and the national debt. This fellow is a crackpot, meaning he might be right on target.

Another fellow that is highly entertaining is the Pissed Off Tree Rat. He likes the Detroit Lions, so I understand his pain.

http://pissedofftreerat.wordpress.com/

Lastly, for those that get beyond bored, I never get tired of the following clip of a prank phone call. Clips from Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men,” are spliced, and the woman receiving the call has no idea what hit her. It is only 75 seconds long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jHytjg-5KA

Ok all, I am off to try and find reasons to live given that there is no football on Sunday. I shall ponder my pain while taking a nap. Your sympathy is underwhelming.

eric